Dating a man who has a child
A healthy relationship is therefore not about having no difficulties; it is about having the skills, time and energy to work things out and grow together.
Whether you or your partner was sexually abused or not, this will always be the case.
Sometimes, it is only when things aren’t playing out the way that you hoped for that you identify what you most value and appreciate about relationships and what you want from a partner.
This then provides an opportunity to talk and confirm there is a shared vision that you can both work towards. I always thought that if he loved me enough he would stop doing those things – now I can see that it was his way of switching off and although I still don’t like it and want him to change, at least I can see it for what it is”A man’s, and possibly even your own, sense of shame around what happened, the effects, and fear of other people’s reactions or judgments.
They can become unmanageable, unwelcome for the man and for you.
Partners and men who have been sexually abused have identified a number of themes that can appear in their relationships. The closeness-distance dynamic is one of the common relationship challenges following sexual abuse, in which you might experience a see-sawing in your relationship.Try to keep each other up to date as to how the relationship is going for each of you, but without increasing pressure to have stuff resolved right now.It is also good to remind yourself that, although you are impacted by his behaviour, it is not all about you.The behaviours listed above might have developed as a direct result of being sexually abused, or in an effort to manage the trauma.
They should not be seen as evidence of a damaged person.There is no prescribed way that an experience of sexual abuse will impact on a man or on his relationships. A man will often try to find his own way to deal with the experience of sexual abuse, and will work hard to limit its impact on his life and relationships.